impossible decisions...

our little girl faced so many life threatening issues. she was too small, growing at a much slower pace than normal. the amniotic fluid fluctuated significantly. when they would do non-stress tests each week she would be nonresponsive. her heart rate wouldn't increase to correspond to her movements. at times her heart rate would decrease with movement. so they would do a biophysical exam, which she would oftentimes fail. in those exams she would move around like she was supposed to, but she wouldn't always swallow and she wouldn't take breaths like they need to see. these are indicators of a baby that is in distress. our specialist would come in afterwards, sit down with us, and discuss what failing these tests could mean. they indicated that she could be in distress, there was an increased risk of being stillborn within the next few days. so we were faced with impossible decisions... do we induce and deliver now, knowing she would be premature? how do we choose to subject a 3 pound baby, whose heart is the size of a marble, to the possibility of open heart surgery? being born now would mean an even greater risk of death. or do we keep her inside, hoping and praying that she makes it another week and isn't stillborn? we always chose to go another week. another week to grow, another week to heal, another week to see a miracle.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

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